Marriage and Becoming Soul Mates

Is there such a thing as Soul Mates in marriage? I have heard stories about couples who in ending their marriage said, “We just weren’t soul mates.” Whether there is only one person for us in the world is a topic hotly debated by Christians and secular philosophers alike without conclusion. But what many would agree on is that two people committed to a marriage can become soul mates and that is done by cultivating the spiritual aspect of a marriage.

Many married couples who have been together for 20 years would still say, “There is something missing in our marriage though we don’t know what it is.” They have fun together, like the same things, don’t argue or fight but still know that there is something keeping their marriage from the fulfillment that should be theirs. For many marriages and relationships in general the missing ingredient is cultivating the spiritual experience. Man is a spiritual being how can one expect fulfillment while denying the most important aspect of his existence?

Couples often spend much time cultivating their mind and body but very few cultivate their soul or spirit. They work out together, read together, go to the movies, and sometimes even go to church, but even simply going to church many times is not enough to knit one another spiritually. This must be the most intentional part of the marriage for Jesus said, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you (Mat 6:33).”

For many couples considering separation, divorce or simply seeking answers much of these things would be remedied if they would simply address the issue of order. Before providing food on the table, making money or having fun, first must come the issue of the soul. It is the highest part of our being with which we have a relationship with God and the part that will never die.

Jesus taught his disciples to “seek first the Kingdom of God ,” which is the sphere in which God is rules and is worshiped. Couples may help do this by going to church, serving in ministry together in some form, but it also must be intentionally sought at home within the family.

Who ideally should take the initiative in the marriage of cultivating this area? Certainly both husband and wife have a responsibility but biblically owness is put on the husband to lead the family in spiritual growth. The Bible teaches that he must be the spiritual leader of not only of the wife but of the children.

Ephesians 6:25,26 “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, to make her holy cleansing her by the washing with water through the word.”

The way Christ loved the church is by dying for her but also teaching her the word. Husbands must take more responsibility in making their wives holy by the word for God will hold them accountable for it. This must be his chief calling in the home for he is to be committed to his wife even before children.

I think more support for the husband being a teacher at home is given in I Corinthians 14:35. After telling the women to practice restraint in the church he says, “If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their husbands at home.”

If a husband and wife are to be soulmates the primary responsibility must fall on the man. He is to be the pastor of the home which includes not just going to church as seen in I Corinthians 14 but teaching at home.

I think I struggle with this. When I first got married we started off reading scriptures every night before bed but often time would get the best of us and it would fall by the wayside. To be honest I have found that nightly prayer for like 10 to 15 minutes has been amazing. In prayer we can talk to God about problems, fears, struggles even in our marriage and let God heal those in prayer.

I have also learned the power of having my wife laying hands on me and praying when I am sick or falling to worry or depression. It often makes a big difference. I have not found a great solution for everybody in the area of teaching, but certainly this can be addressed in prayer as well.

Each man must bring the part of leading spiritually and teaching before God and find out how he can better lead and wash his wife with the word personally at home. A weekly time of going to a worship service together will aid, but this will be enhanced by quality spiritual time at home. This may come in a nightly or morning devotional or simply a time of discussing what God is saying to each other individually. It may come in taking vacations to study, read, pray, serve or be taught together as a time of fasting. God will provide the means for his men to look like his Son in the area of “washing their wives with the word.”

What about women whose husbands are spiritually lethargic? In that case the woman will have to be faithful to her husband by modeling Christ in the effort that God would lead him to the role he has called him to. Many women give up in this pursuit and eventually fail to persevere in prayer for their husbands. Let them always look like the woman who came to the King and made him weary by her many request until eventually he answered her prayer. How much more will God answer his children who come before him day and night (Luke 18:1-7)?

They should be sure to make known their desire to their husbands with sincerity and yet without nagging him. Many husbands are turned away from God by nagging wives who are not displaying the love and patience of Christ. God will move in his own timing and the wife should not loose hope. When He does, certainly the faithful wife will have been a great catalyst in the process.

In concluding, man’s highest privilege above all creation is that he was made to worship God. He was given a spirit and not just a mind and body like the animals. Without worship man begins to resemble the animals driven by their basest desires: food, sex and even power. This worship of man is possibly most fulfilled in the area of marriage, for it was in the area of marriage that Adam and Eve together were made “in the image of God.” When a couple leaves the highest pursuit of marriage for lesser pursuits it will always fall short of God’s ordained plan for marriage.

Is there such a thing as soul mates? Yes, but it comes by giving priority to cultivating the highest experience of man and this is as a worshiping being. It is accomplished by giving mutual attention to the area of our spirit in knowing and experiencing God. Let all marriages return to their highest form in knowing and modeling God.